If this was true love, we wouldn’t need couples therapy. This is a common belief from clients, but is it true? The research tells us that successful relationships take skills that can be learned.
The Research
Dr John Gottman has been researching relationships for over 40 years. And at the Gottman Institute researchers have studied thousands of different couples longitudinally, that is, in many studies over time. The results have clearly shown that some people are “masters of relationships” with high relationship satisfaction and some are “disasters of relationships”. So when couples learn what it takes to build a good relationship, around 70% of them are able to make the changes they need to increase their relationship satisfaction.
Building Friendship
Interestingly, this is one of the key findings from the research – that the masters of relationships are the ones that maintain their friendships. And you too can learn a range of skills to keep deepening your friendship with your partner and see the dividends this pays by helping you understand your partner when new challenges arise.
Fighting Fair
There are many myths about conflict and marriage and what the research shows us is that the masters of relationships do fight. Conflict is normal. However, fighting with your partner like they’re someone you love rather than an enemy will help you manage conflict in a healthy way. First of all, couples can learn the skills to have difficult discussions about perpetual and solvable issues which can lead to a deeper understanding of each other and better relationship satisfaction, even if you don’t solve the issue at hand.
Creating Meaning
When we become a couple many parts of our life can change. The research has shown that the masters of relationships support their partner’s dreams and aspirations. And together the masters create new purpose and meaning in their lives. This can be as simple as new Christmas or birthday traditions, how you spend your weekends, or working towards life goals.
Enhancing True Love in Your Life
This course will be coming to Brisbane in 2019. You can register your interest here.